It brings men together so they can feel self-important for about two minutes before buying Brewhouse on sale at SuperStore and it’s probably the only way you’ll get your stuck up girly date to try a dark ale…oh yes, it’s a microbrewery!
Calgary actually boasts a pretty sweet brewery called Wild Rose Brewery & Taproom. They have lots of different beers and yummy noshies (amazeballs). They also have Velvet Fog, which I find particularly delicious. And I’m not the only person who likes their style, FFWD actually has voted them best brewpub three years running.
So ladies, head there to meet paunchy gentlemen and lads, please bring cab money as one order of yam fries does not balance 4 pints…it just doesn’t.
This is very sad and reminded me of a page a friend forwarded to me, I Hate Calgary Weather.
I was quite disheartened to see that they stopped posting, hopefully this September snowfall will get their creative juices (or hatred of Calgary Weather) going again.
I now truly understand the words of Sergeant Roger Murtaugh. We wants to help out and be involved but he is just too old for this sh*t. He is crotchety, but also a prophet of the feeling all people past their “quarter-life” crisis experience.
I’m not one of those people that lament – “I’m so old” when really I’m not. I find that quite annoying amongst people that are 25+. Now, am I older than 25? Yes. Is Forever 21 not for me anymore (if it ever was)? Yes. Do I like to go to bed early so I can get up and go to a Farmer’s Market? Hell yes. Do I just wanna dance with my girlfriends but have no clue where to go? YES!
I think Leslie Mann sums it up quite perfectly in Knocked Up.
Anyway, this is all a long way to say that the legal drinking age in Alberta is 18…I know – what is this Quebec?! But seriously, when you go to certain bars girls in mini Hollister jean skirts, poor make-up application and visible bra straps surround you. Do I feel threatened by them? A little. Because as much as woman say “Can’t I just go to the bar without guys getting all up in my grill?” We all really want to know that guys still want to get up in our grill, even if we leave the bar before midnight for pizza and boyfriend snuggles in front of rerun Food Network. This is a good time to note that I may be more pathetic in this regard than most. Still, I’m at the point where the car honks aren’t always for me and the woman at the Shiseido spa told me I need to deal with my “eye area” before its too late. Ouch.
Anyway, when I first moved here I had my best friend in from out of town and we wanted to go out. So we decided to go to the only bar I knew in Calgary, based on a previous trip to Cow-Town during Stampede…yeah. This is going where you think it is. We got all dressed up in our finest cupcake party dresses and looked totally cute. But crossing the threshold tall I saw was a sea of Abercrombie outlet sale xxs tank tops and purposely frayed jean skirts that enveloped the dance floor. That’s right people – we were at the Roadhouse. It took about 5 minutes before we all Murtaugh’d. It was the first time I felt really out of place. Still like all really cool girls, my friends found a secluded and abandoned stripper pole and we spent the next hour making each other laugh. I learned a valuable Cow-Town lesson that night though; just because a bar is fun during Stampede doesn’t mean you belong there year-round.
So maybe I can save you guys some shame with this humble list. Please send in your own favourite places that Murtaugh could get down in.
Ship & Anchor – I know their bounces get a lot of flack, but this place is an institution. And the good thing about their Murtaugh bouncers is that they are immune to 18-year-old girls trying to skip the line. They don’t play that homie.
The Met on 17th – I know. It’s terrible. But if you need to just dance the crowd there is so random and varied that you’ll look young and incredibly attractive by comparison
Local 510 – very cool, very nice inside, very expensive drinks. Go here after the pre-drink and before you inevitably end up at The Met.
Melrose – now I don’t go here because it has a high Affliction t-shirt/douche bag ratio. I mean if it was 2002 there would be a lot of puka shells necklaces here.
Hudson’s – might get some flack for this. This is boy friendly, but can turn young on a dime. I advise to travel in a group to this locale.
Ranchman’s – you would think a mechanical bull would automatically make this a no-go zone, but the sunken two-steppin’ dance floor brings in an older crowd. Always a mix, always in western mode and quite enjoyable.
You know, reflecting on my previous entries makes me realize that I may have an unhealthy fixation on food….oh well.
Now as a slightly fabulous city girl there are definitely things I will and won’t do – eat Middle Eastern meat kabobs out of a cart in midtown New York, drink bubble tea from a kiosk in Toronto’s Chinatown mall where they found those rats and of course, drink recycled beer from any number of establishments that I frequented when I was 16. Now before you call me out I should also express a love for street meat (hot dog stands for you Westerners), a serious fixation on All-You-Can-Eat Sushi bars – even after it makes you sick – and I have on occasion eaten a pickled egg out of a jar at a bar (the pickling juice disinfects it! Right?).
Getting to know a new city has all sorts of surprises for you, including finding all the great dives and greasy spoons that tourists won’t dare to enter. So here is a list of some of the places where you won’t use the washroom, but the food is divine!
I first saw this in a FFWD article a few months back. I tried finding it three times before a co-worker led me there by accident. A small nondescript establishment with a faux indoor patio (loves it!) and a menu I couldn’t understand….but it was the best Chinese food I’ve ever had. The place was jammed at lunch and the food was fresh and had none of that oily, hangover Chinese takeout taste that stays with you all day. This is a pretty good review too.
If a movie director was casting for a hard-nosed truck stop waitress with a heart of gold and a piece of pie you could really believe in, he’d go to the Blackfoot Truckstop. The forgotten child’s train that occasionally moves overhead, the broken seats and cracked tables and the decades of cigarette smoke that still hangs in the air make this place the real deal. I highly recommend any of the dinner platters and if you do one thing, then just eat the pie. It’s all homemade and it’s the real deal. Amazeballs.
I went in for a hot dog and left satisfied, yet reaching for the Purel. Great service and an even better hot dog made this place a must-revisit. Are there sketchy guys watching you as you eat? Yes. Do you kinda wanna eat your food outside? Yes. Did I fall in love with the sweet-natured proprietor and his wife? Yes.
You know what says authentic Middle Eastern Food? A Napa Auto Parts Centre on Edmonton Trail. Sure, the restaurant has weird hours and there’s only one table, but the falafel is yumtown. I mean I’m no food critic, I’m just a girl with a stomach, but it is so good there. And you know how to judge a good falafel place? Make sure there’s always men coming in and out of it. Guys loves spiced and stinky saucy goodness that makes them pay for hours on end. Plus it provides hilarious flatulent interludes with their friends. So Calgary Shawarma always has guys running in and out of there. The food is good and the owner is super nice and they have a weird selection of foreign drinks.
So Stampede had some highs and lows this year (did you hear about the ride falling apart and injuring 10 people yesterday – wowza) but one thing never changes—the seductive power of midway snacks. So please allow Bright Lights, Cow City to take you on a culinary tour of the Calgary Stampede. Before we get into the nitty gritty I’d like to thank my companion for enduring 4 hours of eating and one strange encounter with a horse. As I write this I’m popping Tums like popcorn and regretting the cheese on a stick.
And here we go!
The Salad Course
Start it off with a crisp pickle on a stick and follow it by heading south of the border—via a midwest trailer park—with taco in a bag. The pickle—fresh or deep-fried—has a good bite and cleanses the palate. However taco in a bag is a weak effort (all I tasted was Doritos dust and mild salsa).
The Cheese Course
Ok, so you’re not gonna feel good after this. It’s basically half of a stick of cracker barrel dipped in batter and deep-fried…I know….AMAZING. Yet, after the third bite you not only fully realize you’re eating a clump of melted cheese, but it’s also sliding off the stick and the paper plate has become translucent.
The Meat Course
So I didn’t try the Pulled Pork Parfait this year, but I am acquainted with the Hot Beef Sundae—it is incredibly surprising and I highly recommend. I’ll break it down:
mashed potatoes=”ice cream”
beef and gravy=”hot fudge”
shredded cheese=”sprinkles”
cherry tomato=”cherry on top!”
But you can’t come to Alberta without eating a steak sandwich covered with peppers, mushrooms, melted Velveeta and topped with smoky BBQ sauce. You’re getting hungry, aren’t you?
The Batter Course
The beauty of the midway is that there are no boundaries between dessert foods and the savoury salty snacks we love. You can start your day with a bucket of mini-donuts, then move on to a corn dog, then finish with a funnel cake before deciding to get serious with some meat before making the bad choice of losing your fillings with some salt water taffy. The culinary bridge of the midway is definitely batter. Thick, deep-fried and sinful. Mmmmmm.
So the Stampede this year is having a rough go of it. Aside from ice-cirque-rock show spectaculars and bringing a bunch of yummy cowboys to the city, the Stampede has had some problems. Crappy weather and pretty steady rain, six horses have died and today they found a body in the Bow River.
Ya-hoo indeed.
Of course the poor man they found in the river is tragic and if it is foul play I hope they find the guys quickly to give more closure for the family.
The horses thing is pretty sad too, my Calgarian friend has long said no to watching the Chuck Wagon races—arguably the most exciting spectator event at the Stampede. This amount of horse deaths is unusually high, but people here are generally unfazed by it. Stampede spokesman Doug Fraser did say this:
“To lose six horses in one year is very unusual. It’s also very upsetting. Each of the six deaths is the result of distinct circumstances. And we want to point out that none of the deaths are the result of an on-track accident, human error or negligence.”
How many horses die annually at race tracks? Perhaps just condensing all this racing into a short amount of time it’s bound to happen. Of course PETA and the Humane Society are up in arms over it. I did hear an interesting point from someone defending the organizers of the Stampede and the people that are closely involved with the horses; they noted that many of the Stampede stock horses are in fact rescued from slaughter houses (gross) and that these horses are treated very well by the riders, vets and organizers.
Still, six died.
Since this is a bit of a downer and I obviously have no real answer, let’s instead focus on something upbeat.
So amidst all the white hats, cowboys; real and fake, deep fried everything, and plaid, there is something happening at Stampede that we need to discuss….
And guess who the star is – Elvis Stojko! Shut. The. Front. Door. Oh Elvis of my youth; with your A.C. Slater wet curl mullet, bejeweled machismo and karate moves.
So here is the description of the event:
“Join Canada’s elite skating superstars and cirque style acrobats for this high energy show. Accompanied by live performances of Rock n’ Roll’s most unforgettable anthems, this spectacle promises to be an unforgettable experience for the entire family.”
Rock ‘n’ Roll anthems! Cirque acrobats! (you’d think Guy Laliberté would have lawyers on that) And because it’s been a bit rainy in Cow-Town, people have been flocking to this show – it’s a hit!
Just imagine – creepy French clowns flying over Stojko’s head while Nickelback blares.
Oh wait…there’s video.
So he got Van Halen…I respect that. Also, I’ve spent about an hour looking at Elvis Stojko photos and reading about him; I think I’m developing feelings. I mean, he’s athletic, tough, can do a triple axle in studded leather and thinks Evan Lysacek is a wimp, yet believes Johnny Weir was robbed.
So in closing, I can’t believe I mocked this. You should go.
I am a Food Network addict. It’s funny, at university all the girls would watch TLC all-day; weddings, babies and makeovers. It was like 20 year-olds playing house vicariously through really bad TV. Now that we’re all nesting you can break us into two categories: renovation programs and cooking shows.
Of course there is the subcategory of finance shows which most people avoid, but some embrace. And those people will make themselves known when they give tips from “Till Debt Do Us Part” to you in public (making the secret shame of paying off your credit card with your line of credit all the more shameful……or so I’ve heard).
ANYWAY – so I was eating cheese and watching a Food Network “Meat-Fest” ….yes, it was a show all about meat. I don’t eat a lot of red meat, but I was overcome with the need to be a carnivore. So after explaining my tweaked out need for saucy red meat to my man we went to Booker’s BBQ Grill and Crab Shack for the best meal. Deep fried pickles, crab cakes, ribs, chicken, brisket and the best mac ‘n’ cheese ever.
The baked beans were a disappointment, but my Uncle Bob cooks for a hunting camp and has ruined me for all other baked beans (his beans take 72hrs to complete and “burn clean” if you know what I mean).
More people should go to Booker’s – it’s awesome and they even have live music. Also, anytime I can help a child by over-eating ribs and deep friend pickles I will do my part.
You know what Polish girls with big livers love? Free breakfast!
Imagine my surprise when last week I begun receiving these fabulous themed out invites for FREE pancake breakfasts. They are a big deal around Stampede time. They have them in parking lots and sidewalks and parks.
Below are two great sources for finding all the free pancakes (and sometimes event bacon) during Stampede. This is very important information as many people will need to funnel their disposable income into theme shirts and food on a stick (this phenomenon will require its own post entirely). Isn’t it impressive that most—if not all—of these flipping pancake people are volunteers? Pretty groovy, huh?
It brings men together so they can feel self-important for about two minutes before buying Brewhouse on sale at SuperStore and it’s probably the only way you’ll get your stuck up girly date to try a dark ale…oh yes, it’s a microbrewery!
Bright Lights, Cow City 